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What if someone told you, “I’m doing this new type of workout and I love it! In the past year I’ve gained 10 pounds, my button-down shirts no longer fit my back, nor my arms, my shorts are a little tighter in the butt, and I really think you should join me! You interested?”

Most women would probably say, “Uh…no thanks”

In hindsight, when I think of my body 3-4 years ago, in comparison to what it looks like now, I’m not real sure if I would’ve started CrossFit.  And I especially wouldn’t have if someone told me the above results would happen.  However, if I’m comparing my body to how it feels, performs, and recovers from 3-4 years ago, I’d choose CrossFit as my method of training, hands down.

If you look at pictures of most CrossFit athletes, it becomes quite obvious 
CrossFit doesn’t make you skinny, it makes you strong.  
And for a lot of us, that’s a hard pill to swallow.  Or for me it was, and at times, still is.

In high school I wanted to be thin. I wanted my hip bones and clavicles to show. I tore out pictures of thin models in magazines and Abercrombie catalogs and taped them on my bedroom wall.  Just ask my Dad, they’re still hanging up in my room at his house.  In college I wanted to weigh as less as possible because I thought, the less you weighed, the faster you ran.  My mind and body image goes back and forth from what was, to what is.  What I wanted to look like then, to what I want to look like (or think I should look like) now.  

I think this is where a lot of us (women) become frustrated.  We’re caught between two worlds.  We see thin and hear thin everywhere.  Our yoga friends are stick thin, our running friends small, our CrossFit friends are solid, muscular.  We don’t know how to look, who we want to look like.  We just know that…

We want to be lean, but don’t want to be bulky. We want to be fit, but not look like men. We want to be a certain size, weigh a certain weight, we want to be aesthetically pleasing.  Because let’s be honest, when people see us, they don’t see how much we deadlift, they don’t know how many pull ups we can do, they don’t know that 80-90% of the time we eat clean, work hard, sweat, rip, and sometimes even pee our pants! 

At the end of the day it boils down to what’s going to make you happy.  I can’t decide that for you, your coach, your husband, the magazines, your Pinterest boards, the world cant’ decide what type of body is going to make you happy.  Honestly, I will probably never be 100% satisfied, and I’ll probably always have those infamous “5 pounds I must lose”.  However, I know that right now I feel stronger than ever before, I am improving every day, and to me that’s what matters to me, at this moment in time.
Stay tuned for my next post:
What If It’s About More Than Just The Food?
Peace.DifferentPost.SameOlStuff.Love.